What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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