Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
