i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
