If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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