...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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