Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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