Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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