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some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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