I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
