Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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