Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
