john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
