I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
