found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
