if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
