I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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