I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
