I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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