Where is the hickey?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
