$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sponge bath it is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
