shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There are leaves in my underwear?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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