i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I need moral support for this bender
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
