Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize