If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
