I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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