i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just google imaged poop.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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