dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
