It's like God shit irony all over that family
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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