I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
