I am puke
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
