he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
