FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
