If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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