That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
