dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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