I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
