You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
