sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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