the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
