Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize