We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
