Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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