Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
