Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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