You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
