this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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