We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
