Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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