I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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