Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
