You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
