Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
