k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize