He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You are a genius and a whore.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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