i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
