you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
