WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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