i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
