so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
