I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize