I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize