I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
