my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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