i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
