Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
