All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I could make wine with my vomit
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
