I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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