Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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