He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
