and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
