dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
