On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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