I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
