they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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