you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
