I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
