how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
