I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pants are for mortals
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize