I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
